So SAHM or part-time working momma??

On Monday, October 10, I drove away from my last day of work before maternity leave for baby number two and I was filled with a certain mixture of emotion.  Emotion that I'm not sure I can describe yet, but will undoubtedly be sorted out in the coming weeks and months ahead.  In the emotion I think that there was a bit of uncertainty, a bit of finality, and some fear and apprehension.  It may have been my last time driving away from my job.  Which is scary to think, admit and write.  I called my hubby as I drove away and left a rather disjointed voicemail, unsure of what exactly to say or what I was even feeling.  There was no fanfare, no big exit, no cake or balloons, no big deal really.  I wasn't expecting such theatrics, but it made the exit and drive anticlimactic and weird in a way. 


For the last seven plus years, I have had a good job, a job that pays well and has always allowed me the work-life balance that my family has needed.  Before kids, I worked full time and had a great schedule that allowed three day weekends every other week.  After Isaiah arrived, I was able to work part-time and had flexibility to be home when my family needed me.  Lately, there have been some changes at work that aren't as accommodating for the work-life balance that this momma of almost two kiddies needs.  In addition to the changes, John and I always felt that we would like for me to be a stay at home mom (SAHM) after kids.  With an additional child almost here and a shortage of family nearby, I would almost have to put my kids into daycare to make even a part-time schedule work.  I am - and have always been - adamantly opposed to daycare for my children.  I know some families and single parents need daycare to make it work, and that can be a difficult place to be in.  But I never ever wanted to send my children to daycare.  I want to be the one who spends copious amounts of time with them day to day, teaching, nurturing, and - well - mothering them.  

So here I stand on the brink of something, it may be the end of a chapter and beginning of a new one or it may not be the end of this chapter yet.  I hesitate to say that I'm done working, especially when I examine how much time and effort I have invested in this chapter of my life, it's so hard to say it may be over.  Four years on a mechanical engineering degree, close to a year finding and waiting for my job, and then seven years pouring my best into my job.  I feel that I gave so much and tried so hard to better the company that to just walk away seems silly.  

But all of my feelings don't change who is really in charge and whose plan I really want to follow.  I would be ridiculously dumb to neglect the tug of God in all of this.  While my very human nature says "stay, the money is good!", my spirit senses that there is so much more around the corner.  What is God going to do?  I don't really know, it's not my plan.  I know He's spoken to my heart about writing, He's nurtured some of my passions, such as family, children, marriage, and relationship, and He's given me trials to learn from and share with others.  Is He going to begin a writing career?  I believe He already has, the beginnings are small, like this blog and devotionals I've previously written, but God says don't despise small beginnings (Zechariah 4:10).  Regardless of my small beginnings, God will accomplish His purposes and plans through my life, as I yield to His way.  So what's just around the corner - SAHM or part-time working momma?  Hang on, follow my blog, and we will find out together.  

Comments

  1. You are flippin incredible and I adore you! You are the best wife and mom anyone could ask for!

    ReplyDelete
  2. *Ecclesiastes 3:1-15*

    "There is a time and a season for everything under the sun." As cliche as it is, allow that to give you peace and comfort in this new season lurking on the precipice of the unknown. I pray that the Lord will teach you that in any and every situation you may have contentment in Him - in plenty and in need. Much love <3

    P.S. John has a blog too?! Get him back on the blogging wagon! :)

    ReplyDelete

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